You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
