yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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