Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize