The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
