just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize