ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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