Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
