Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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