I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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