So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
