Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
