i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
