so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
