i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
