Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
