Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
