Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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