We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found a bag of teeth...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
