How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
