my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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