Moan for me like Helen Keller
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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