I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
