imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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