good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
