he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
