his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize