I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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