I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
