I just made out with a guy for $7.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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