There is no way he is gay with that hair.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
