Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
