Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
