I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
