Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
