i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
