time to smoke my breakfast
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
