Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
