hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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