I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
