I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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