and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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