My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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