I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize