she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
