Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
