If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
