My friends, they love my intelligence
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
