at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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