No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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