she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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