lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
