Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
