I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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