Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
