Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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