some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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