idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
