took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
