First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
