Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
