is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
