oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
