Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
