matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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