i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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